It was a big step for Big!

[ I spent the night at Big's for the first time since my stuff was kicked out of the nest!]

Where are you going?

Home! it's where my hair dryer is! i may have to dry my hair! i'm wearing it straight in case you didn't notice!

I noticed, but i think it looks pretty amazing right now! bring that georgeous ass back into bed!

I just have to make sure i didn't leave anything else!

[ Suddenly, i realized i didn't have to worry about leaving something behind, because i was there!]

Okay! i'll stay a little longer, but i'm leaving this underwear here!

Is it clean?

[ Okay ... it was a small step for man kind but it was a really big step for Big!]

You want me to leave socks?!

Hey beautiful!
Hi hansome!
what's this?
Just a few things you left at my place!
Oh! thanks!
[ It's like i had one too many items and i was being kicked out of the relationship express lane!
What is about Big's apartment? nothing never sticks! it's like teflon for women!]
I meant to leave that stuff at your apartment!
why?
For one thing, i don't wake up looking this! i actually need stuff to look like this and it would be nice not to have to carry it around all day with me like a nomad! It's just a few things, and you can leave stuff here!
I don't want to leave stuff here!
Not a lot of stuff, just like, you know, if you want to shave in the morning!
I shave at the gym!
I don't know, socks!
You want me to leave socks here?
Never mind what i want, what do you want?
I don't know! let's save an hour! whay don't you just tell me what i want?
No, really in your mind what is the ideal living situation for two people in a relationship!
Exactly what we have!
And, what is that?
I have my place, you have yours! we're together when we want to be, we're apart when we want to be!
Like Woody and Mia!
Before Soon-Yi!
[ Ever since Woody Allen described waving to Mia Farrow across the park single men in Manhattan had yearned for that kind of seprate togetherness! i felt like the last dinosaur!
Was i the one who needed to adapt?
Was my view of a relationship extinct?]

I left a hair pro 1200!

[ The next morning at Big's, i started to think, if the things we leave behind become the archelogical relics of our sexual history, i should be able to leave something!
Ancient man left cave drawings to prove they existed, i left a hair pro 1200! , and i didn't stop at that!
Men may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it!]

I fucking love you!

Hello?
Listen! i know what you're really pissed off about. but, it's just something i gotta do in my own time! okay? well, i fucking live you, all right?! you know i do! it's just a tough thing for me to say because it always seems to get me in trouble when i say it! okay?
Okay!
Are we okay?
we're great! hey, i love you , too! i'll call you later, okay?
[ I felt like i was the lowest of the low! but, i never told Mr. Big, i figured everything before " i love you " just doesn't count!]

you're embarrassing me!

Were you really giving the caterer a blow job?
First of all, he's not a caterer! he's a very well-known performance artist!
Oh, that didn't answer my question!
Because it was offensive!
Whatever you were doing, please stop! you're embarrassing me!
I'm embarrassing you? maybe if you'd joind me on the terrace like a gentelman we wouldn't be having this conversation!
Let's just go!
No, you go! i'm having a good time!

You're being a bit of a bitch!

[ That saturday Big tooke me to a cocktail party at the home of sarina Bush!]
Oh God! i hate park avenue! it's like being ina foreign country!
Just think of me as your passport, baby!
[ As we walked through the room of women clutching their bejeweled swan, kitten and asparragus purses i realized t my horror that not only did Big not love me, he had absolutely no idea who i was!]
...
Can i get you a drink?
Tanqueray and tonic. carrie, a drink?
Oh, red wine, please!
I'm sorry, Ms. Bush dosen't serve any brown food or drink. can i get you something clear?
Yeah, vodka on the rocks.
No brown food!? i think we've encountred a mutant strain of upper east side anal!
She's a little strang. i've known her for years, she's okay!
Oh yeah! i'm sure she's fabulous until you spill something. it's like she's trying to cultivate an eccentricity so people won't notice she's copletely devoid of personality!
Don't be a bitch!
I'm not, i'm being myself!
You're being a bit of a bitch!
...
Sweetheart! how are you? it's been forever!
Thank you for having us! Sarina, you know carrie?
Yeas, darling! you can't smoke in here, no! no! rterrace!
and, that's where i'll be!
[ And just like that, i was cast out of the fancy party!]

I hate you!

[ That night, Big took me out for a romantic dinner! i could smell it coming the way you can smell a thunderstorm right before hits! a mere two days after i had said " I love you", Big had found his own way to say " I love you " to me!]
You're gonna love this. it's from a small winery in the heart of Tuscany!
Delicioso!
I rented a villa there one summer with the ex. it was incredible. i've always wanted to go back with some one i actually liked. Lisetn! ther's something i've been meaning to tell you ever since the night i gave you the purse!
Yeah?!
You can take it back, if you don't like it!
[ That become the first night i wanted to tell Big:
I hate you! ]

I love you!

[ And then there was the time i never expected to say it. last friday night at approximately 7:20 p.m. , Big was picking me up to take me out to dinner!]
Hey! Hi! i just have to change my shoes.
Hurry up! we don't want to be late.
If we grab a cab on Madison, we can be there in five minutes.
here!
What's this for?!
I just saw it and thought of you!
[ It was just wrong! it was wrong! i didn't know what to say, except:
I love you!
You're welcome! i'll just wait for you outside!

I love your hair like that!

[ The first time i felt like saying it was the night he took me to the ballet and he hates the ballet!]
I don't want to disappoint you , but i think a couple of those dancers were on wires.
They were not on wires!
Oh, Yeah! on a couple of those big leaps, i saw the wires!
You know what?
What?
I love your hair like that!
Cut it out!

It's not so easy to say, I love you Mr. Big!

[ Here are some things i love about New York : that week in spring when it's warm, but not hot and the trees are just begining to bloom. men in suits, three papers and 12 ossip columns. it's easy for me to say : I love you , New York! It's not so easy to say : I love you, Mr. Big! The first time i realized i actually loved Big, eas over toast and coffee one morning. ]
What?!
Thanks honey!
What!?
Nothing!

I should hit you more often!

[ A few days later, i realized you could change a man, you could change him into not calling you!]

Hi!

Look at that!

N, you look at that! i've seen it alresdy!

Sorry!

Easy, no hands near the face!

Come in!

I just come over to tell you something!

You are using me, right?

Look, maybe you need a key to know that i'm crazy about you, but the thing is i've given out like five keys ... and you never get them back, and maybe i hog my bed, but it's my bed and i like you in it!

I sould hit you more often!

And the oranges?

What?

The oranges have to go? this is something i don't like about you. i hate that you eat oranges in my bed!

You do?

Yeah, they're sticky and they make the sheets stink!

That's it?

I like my sheets!

What are you gonna give me for the oranges?

A negotiation?

Yep!

This could take a while!

It could!

Well, it looks like i may have to spend the night!

[ That night, for the first time, Big spent the night at my place! i realized that neither of us would eer fundamentally change but we were talking about it, and maybe that was the biggest change of all! the next day my sheets stunk of cigars! i changed them immediately!]